To: Professor Blackstone
From: Dylan Wei Lun
Subject: Self-introductory Email
Dear Professor Brad Blackstone,
I would like to take this opportunity to formally introduce myself. My name is Wei Lun, but you can call me Dylan as well. I am currently a year one undergraduate studying civil engineering in Singapore Institute of Technology (SIT). I had graduated with a diploma in electronic, computer and communication from Nanyang Polytechnic. Despite with minimal knowledge in this field, I had decided to study in civil engineering because I have a passion for buildings. There is this saying of " things don't last forever " but seeing buildings that last for aeons just make me feels like it is possible and I want to become an engineer myself to be able to achieve this.
My goal for studying in this degree is to develop my technical knowledge in structure, for instance how a building is built from scratch, and how it going to last. Ultimately, my career goal is to become a certified professional engineer, Qualify Person (QP). This position holds responsibility for building's structure, and of course, the decent amount of income attracted me too.
In terms of weakness in communication, I find it difficult to express myself confidently in English. Mainly because of my education background, as I received my primary education in a Chinese School back in Malaysia, and most of my daily conmmunication is in Mandarin. Hence the use of the English language, such as grammar and vocabulary does pose a problem for me. I am also facing problems with pronunciation, thus I’m not confident whenever I have to speak in English.
In terms of strength in communication, I find myself as a good listener. I am being taught that communication must be two-way because feedback is important in communication to both the sender and the receiver. However, just by "receiving" information is not enough, you have to understand the meaning. In order to have a better understanding, sometimes you might have to go the extra miles and learn to look at things from a different perspective. I am a person who talks less and listen more because I do not want to make the mistake where I do not fully understand what is going on and then make a comment about it. This leads to others having the impression that I’m quiet, but actually, I'm just letting others do the talking before I start.
My goal in this module is to improve and refine my English, so I can better prepare myself for the future workplace. I believe that by practising in writing and speaking, I will definitely achieve my goal and become a better person as well as a more competent employee. I am looking forward to learn different skills for more effective communication from you in the near future.
Best regards,
Wei Lun
CVE1281
Commented on Brendan's, Benedict's and Sam's introduction letter.
Hi Wei Lun
ReplyDeleteInteresting and nice introduction letters.
However, there are some suggestion i would like to share.
1) and most of my daily conmmunication is in Mandarin. (conmmunication---> spelling error)
2)I am looking forward to learn different skills (learn ---> learning, the verb learn is usually in the gerund form when following the word looking forward to)
3) In terms of strength in communication, I find myself as a good listener. (In terms of ----> Regarding, maybe wordy)
Have a nice day.
Thanks and Regards
Melvin
Hi,
DeleteThank you Melvin, I will update accordingly.
Cheers
Wei Lun
Hi Dylan,
ReplyDeleteAn overall well written self-introductory letter which is well detailed.I enjoyed reading it.
These are the few mistakes i think i have spotted:
-Typo/Spelling error
--- "Mainly because of my education background, as I received my primary education in a Chinese School back in Malaysia, and most of my daily conmmunication is in Mandarin." --the word i believe you want to type is communications.
---"In order to have a better understanding, sometimes you might have to go the extra miles and learn to look at things from a different perspective."---I think the correct verb should just be mile instead of miles .
---"I am looking forward to learn different skills for more effective communication from you in the near future."---I believe it should be to learning .
Overall an amazing detailed piece.I would give an A.
cheers,
Aliff
Hi,
DeleteThank you Aliff, I will update accordingly.
Cheers
Wei Lun
Hi Dylan,
ReplyDeleteAfter reading your well-crafted letter, I realized that both of us have the same common interest that led us to wanting to further our studies in the field of civil engineering. Besides, I do find that we are quite similar in character, in terms of strengths and weaknesses.
Here are a few pointers,
1. Qualify Person (QP) > Qualified Person (QP)
2. “Despite with minimal knowledge in this field, I had decided to study in civil engineering because I have a passion for buildings.” > Despite having minimal knowledge in this field, I have decided to study in civil engineering as I have a passion for buildings.
With that, I do hope that you would achieve what you planned to achieve from this module. All the best!
Cheers,
Sam
Hi,
DeleteThank you Sam, I will update accordingly.
Cheers
Wei Lun
Hi Dylan,
ReplyDeletewhat you have shared is very detailed and concise. However, I would like to share some suggestions,
1)My goal for studying this degree is to... ( sounds a little awkward ) > In this course/degree, my goal is to...
2)Sender and the receiver > Speaker and the audience
3)I'm a person who talks less and listen more > I'm more of a soft-spoken person
Keep it up and strive for this module.
Best regards,
Yong Quan
Hi,
DeleteThank you Yong Quan, I will update accordingly.
Cheers
Wei Lun
Dear Dylan,
ReplyDeleteThank you very much for sharing in this detailed reflection. You do a fine job responding to the requirements of the assignment. You describe your interest in engineering with excellent detail, and then you cover your communication strengths and weaknesses and goals for this module. My immediate reaction to reading your bio was that you clearly have passion for your field of study.
As for the language issues that you mention and that I take note of even in this letter, I thought to myself, Dylan has come to the right place. We both know that most of the work you will do as an engineer can be done without caring a bit about issues such as English language grammar. However, there are undoubtedly times when it matters, and this letter is a case in point. The good news is that you and I are both here to work on that. So let's start:
1. verb issues
-- I had graduated with a diploma in electronic, computer and communication from Nanyang Polytechnic. Despite with minimal knowledge in this field, I had decided to study in civil engineering because I have a passion for buildings.
> (tense/phrasing)
I graduated with a diploma in electronic, computer and communication from Nanyang Polytechnic. Despite minimal knowledge in this field, I decided to study in civil engineering because I have a passion for buildings.
-- how it going to last. > (missing verb)
-- just make me feels > ?
-- who talks less and listen more > (subject-verb agreement)
2. sentence structure
-- However, just by "receiving" information is not enough, you have to understand the meaning. > (comma splice)
Your peers have also commented, but I don't want you to feel overwhelmed. I'd suggest that you take the revision process step by step. It seems like you have a positive attitude, so I expect that to happen.
Best wishes for the journey.
Brad
Hi,
DeleteThank you prof, I will update accordingly.
Cheers
Wei Lun
Hi Dylan,
ReplyDeleteI would like to say that your self-introduction is well written, but I would like to bring up some points to help you to make it better.
1. There are some minor spelling errors you should take note of.
2. The phrase you used “there is this saying” sounds weird.
- You could use “there is a saying” instead.
3. Some sentences feel very awkward, for example, “I am being taught that communication must be two-way because feedback is important in communication to both the sender and the receiver.”
- You could rephrase it to “I was taught that communication is a two-way street and that listening is just as important as speaking.
I really enjoyed reading your letter, let us do well in this module together!
Best regards,
Kelvin
Hi,
DeleteThank you Kelvin, I will update accordingly.
Cheers
Wei Lun